Wednesday, June 24, 2015

King Craptor's "Jur-Ass-Kick World" Review

In the interest of providing another opinion on Jurassic World, which is something the world sorely needs, we at LITC are giving a guest post to one "King Craptor."

I liked that movie so much I gave it the title "Jur-Ass-Kick World"! The dinosaurs were mostly strong and it was very exciting to see the people die. I liked it that dinosaurs died to, like the brontosauruses that died, those were better dead than alive, and it was exciting to see how dead they were.

I liked the mean pterodactyls that attacked the people. Those pterodactyls were pretty scary. I liked the mean mossasaurus that ate the pterodactyl. I liked that the babysitter died. I don't like to admit when I'm wrong, but I sure was wrong about pterodactyls. I thought they sucked but they didn't suck. They were badass. VERY COOL.

Indomnus was the show stopper of course! I was excited every time that naughty freak showed up on the screen to wreck havoc. I was sad when mossasaurus killed it, but I know that the mean guys will make another Indomnus. Maybe a bunch of them! I liked the raptors best when they were chums with Indomnus, I don't know what kind of crazy juice they were drinking to be buddies with Starlord anyway, I had a hard time suspending my disbeliefs about that. THANKS HOLLYWOOD.

If I have to pick which people were my favorite people were the mean people with guns. I don't know why more people aren't mean, it's fun to watch. But I still get to see all those people get ripped up by dinosaurs and it is entertaining.

Jimmy Fallon tickles my funny bones, so that gyroscope scene was just extra gravy on the whole cake for old King Craptor. I still want him to be ripped to meat pieces by a gross killer dinosaur though.

So over all, I approve, go see the move already! It's the opposite of garbage! Double A+!!

23 comments:

  1. I... I'm just done. I used to come to this blog expecting to read (as much as possible) objective reviews regarding scientific accuracy, but now its become nothing but an attention grab. Spamming reviews belittling a franchise that never (yes, even back in '93) was accurate just to get attention. That was already annoying, and its not just here, the paleontology blog community as a whole is just tearing this movie apart, why? attention. Its not about critique, its not about reviews, its about throwing out a well known brand name just to rack up your own views!

    Oh but this goes beyond that, at this point you aren't simply tearing apart the movie for accuracy claims it never made, at this point you are actively insulting people who enjoyed it. You can call me whatever you want, I'm just some "weeaboo otaku white trash self entitled white girl awesomebro fangirl", but I know what is and isn't accurate when I see it. Does that keep me from liking things that aren't the pinnacle of scientific accuracy? no. And it certainly doesn't make me feel entitled to go and insult people because they prefer sci-fi styled dinosaurs over the real thing. So long as someone can tell the difference between fantasy and reality what harm can it do?! honestly this is just demeaning and insulting.

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    1. Well, I hope you did the Jurassic World Challenge!

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    2. I recently purchased a large order from CollectA, I collect animal figurines. And while they have a checkered past regarding accuracy the past few years have shown a real turnaround in their products. They even delve into speculative reconstructions with some frequency (if only they would stop modelling their ceratopsian "quills" after psittacosaurus!).

      I also purchased the lovely book from the very talented Mr. Mark Witton, I can't wait to read it and I'm assured it will live up to my expectations.

      I will most certainly return to reading regularly once the hype from this movie boils over. But it just feels like I'm seeing nothing but the same thing wherever I look at the moment.

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    3. Perils of a giant pop culture event, unfortunately. Since it has dinosaurs, we kind of have to devote some attention to it, since that places it more in our wheelhouse than, say, Age of Ultron.

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    4. I didn't 'tear the movie apart' or belittle it when I reviewed it - I was actually positive overall, even if I found fault with some aspects (and no movie's perfect). Even though Asher was less positive, I don't think he was unfair, either, and I think it's reasonable to expect that a blog about dino pop culture with multiple authors to post multiple JW reviews.

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  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  3. Ahem. I am not especially familiar with the Blogspot comment system. What I meant to say was,
    "Amusing review, David!"

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  4. This just feels way too mean spirited.

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    1. I don't necessarily disagree, but there's a strong case to be made that I'm just fighting fire with fire. JW is a pretty cynical enterprise. Matt Baldwin has made the strongest case for just how mean the movie is, here: http://thisbrokenwheel.tumblr.com/post/121471592499/a-few-thoughts-on-jurassic-world

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    2. I think the problem with the "fighting fire with fire" approach is that this particular fireball doesn't appear to be aimed at the movie so much as it's aimed at the film's fans.

      It's certainly fine to criticize the film on the basis of scientific accuracy, as well as to dislike it for reasons of story, acting, cinematography, etc., but portraying people who enjoyed it as morons who can barely type a coherent sentence and who only want to see death on screen is another thing entirely.

      Had you wanted an actual "awesomebro" guest review (which is what I thought you were doing when I saw the post's title), I would have been happy to give my own thoughts on the film, as would quite a few other people, I'm sure. This felt like a step too far.

      It's entirely possible that insulting the movie's fans was not the intent of the post, and that I have simply misinterpreted it, but it certainly came across that way to me. If I have misinterpreted the post, then you have my apologies.

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    3. Well, insulting people who like the movie wasn't my intention, but then again I didn't exactly spend hours thinking through a perfectly worded critique of the movie. Marc and Asher had written terrific, tough-but-fair critiques already. I wrote this in frustration. Asher in particular was gleeful about the dinosaur mayhem of the film's final act. I know there are plenty of people who like that sort of thing. It's not my cup of tea.

      I just can't see this movie as anything but a colossal missed opportunity, and the accuracy of dinosaurs is bottom of the list. I'd resigned myself to that back whenever it was that the director made the "No Feathers" announcement.

      I guess I can liken it to the way some Star Trek fans reacted to the JJ Abrams reboot movies - that in reshaping the stories and characters, he essentially jettisoned what made Star Trek truly special - the philosophical underpinnings of TOS.

      Plenty of people have made the "relax, it's just a movie" and the "Hollywood has no duty to science" arguments, and I agree with them, for the most part. But JW has become potentially the biggest movie of all time, and jettisoned what made JP so special. There was a spirit of awe and, I believe, a true love of dinosaurs. As Victoria Arbour put it... it seems like Treveorow and the creative team don't like dinosaurs much at all. I also hunger for a *new* creative vision of dinosaurs on the big screen. JP/JW is not the only dramatic framework in which to tell dinosaur stories, but the way the series sucks up all the dinosaur real estate grates on my nerves. Heck, I'm not even hoping for a sci-fi story; I'd love to see a fantasy story about people and dinosaurs. It's possible to be thrilling and scary and have a heart. I want someone else to take a crack at a dinosaur story, someone who can approach it from a different perspective than monster fights.

      So... yeah. I totally admit that this was a silly post. And it was written in a state of angry facepalmitude. I knew it would piss some people off, and I accepted that. Hopefully the fact that the vast majority of the time I boost cool paleoart and celebrate research on this blog will earn me some forgiveness from those it upset. If not, I guess I have to accept that there's a price for blogging angry.

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    4. I enjoyed the movie, wrote a review (on this blog) saying as much, but I didn't feel insulted by this post, just as I'm not insulted by spoof articles in Private Eye (UK satirical mag) that poke fun at leftists. If it had just said "ALL PEOPLE WHO ENJOYED THIS MOVIE ARE MORONS," then yes, I would have taken some umbrage, but it's not like that.

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    5. I'm sorry I misinterpreted the post. I understand why you're upset, and I don't want to make it any worse.

      As it happens, while I enjoyed Jurassic World, I am also waiting for a film to feature feathered theropods in a fictional setting. I don't think we're going to see that in an established franchise, though (from what I've seen, Hollywood is deathly afraid of change in franchise installments), and I think we'll need both a director brave enough to take a chance on more scientifically accurate dinosaurs, and an original film so that said director is ALLOWED to take that chance.

      In fact, while I can't be sure, I feel there may have been some pressure from Universal to stick to scaly dinosaurs for profit reasons, as the film itself seems to take a few jabs at the concept. Recall Doctor Wu's frustrated speech to his corporate superior: "If their genes were pure, many of these animals would look quite different, but you didn't want reality; you wanted more teeth."

      Again, I'm very sorry for the misunderstanding and I hope I haven't upset you too much.

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    6. Nah, I'm not upset! I think that ultimately, my hope for the next groundbreaking dinosaur media is in video games. We'll see what happens with narrative films, but my hopes are not high. But I've gone on about that before, see: http://chasmosaurs.blogspot.com/2013/12/the-chase.html

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  5. Haha! Nailed it (with a hyper-extended pedal ungual II).

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  6. Very nice. King Craptor reminds me of Dug ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9gHZPDh12g ). Too bad so many ppl here just don't get the joke. :/

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    1. Almost forgot: For what it's worth, even comedy greats like Weird Al have to deal w/ppl who just don't get the joke (E.g. Some of the teens in this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=syGKzWsBrQ8 ).

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  7. So is this meant to be a jab at anyone who liked the movie, or just those who had unintelligent reasons for liking it? Because as much as I love this blog, I personally enjoyed Jurassic World.

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    1. NVM, I read your reply to Timothy Ellrod above. Well put.

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  8. I thought this was really funny. If anything it's a perfect portrait of the imaginary audience that Hollywood makes movies for.

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  9. SPOILERS! You coulda warned us, I haven't seen it yet...

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  10. SPOILERS! You coulda warned us, I haven't seen it yet...

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Trolls get baleted.